Friday, August 31, 2012

Learn to Take Charge of Your Life and Live Courageously

 

If someone is controlling you it's not their fault, it’s your fault. That is the terrible truth I lived with for over thirty years. I had been too threatened by failure to go for the things I wanted. Oh, I went for them. But it seemed something was always missing.

 I use to wonder if perhaps everyone else were born underneath the lucky star. They appeared to have the great job and lovable relationships.

 Perhaps you’ve felt that way. You’re reluctant to express your inner feelings. You don’t speak up about what is most important to you. Too comfortable with “success” to make your life better. Too unlovable to find a healthy relationship or unwanted to end an unhealthy relationship. You’re sensitive to criticism wanting everyone’s support and devotion that you seldom if ever put your foot down. 

You go to bed like I did, faint hearted to strike in a new direction. Confident, but in some way, expecting happiness for others while casting a dark cloud over our own accomplishments. 

We aren’t alone. In my thirty years as a consultant, speaker and life coach I have learned that the vast majority of people are paralyzed by fear. This fear becomes unconsciously competent in its own right to keep you where you are. These demons cast doubts; create skepticism about your capabilities over anything disrupting the status quo.

 “Oh, you can’t do that.” You’re always failing.” You tried that before and failed.”

Are you really ready for this big step right now? “Don’t start now, wait on another opinion.” 

I’m living proof that the most heart wrenching experiences can work to serve us. A nervous breakdown, divorce, contemplating suicide were the misguided self destructive efforts I considered to find my peace. Then something occurred causing my self defeating behaviors to become little more than a memory. 

My life turned around. So can yours. It doesn’t take a lifetime. It starts with a decision. To decide to life courageously. This is your life. I’m here when you need me. Jim 

 

4 Ways to Stop Making Excuses and Follow Your Passion

4 Ways to Stop Making Excuses and Follow Your Passion
image credit: Shutterstock

Remember waking up before dawn to jump into the lake at summer camp? The hardest part was the moment right before you jumped, when you knew the water would be freezing cold but didn't yet trust that you'd acclimate. For would-be entrepreneurs who want to follow their passion but haven't made the leap, the fears about starting a new business can feel just like staring at that frigid, early morning water.

Maile Ehlers, a graphic designer and founder of PGH Papercraft, felt torn between freedom and stability. "I was climbing up the corporate ladder (at a paper packaging company), but I really wasn't happy," she says. She put off quitting for fear of stiff competition and unpredictable earnings, but after building a customer base in her spare time, she finally struck out on her own.

"New entrepreneurs are not confident about their own competencies, and thus aren't sure if it would be the right decision," says Hao Zhao, associate professor of management and entrepreneurship at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute. "Such hesitation is normal."

Today, Ehlers' business is booming and she's branching into new markets. "Seeing that my business has been successful gives me the confidence to keep going and expand," she says.

If you find yourself making excuses about why your new venture should wait, these four tips can help you gain confidence and make a firm decision. 

 1. Decide if you're truly passionate. "(Entrepreneurship) is not for everyone," Zhao says. It may sound like a sexy career, but the reality is that it takes self-motivation and fortitude. If it isn't for you, that's okay. "Be honest with yourself about whether you have the tenacity to be an entrepreneur," says Paula Caligiuri, a psychologist and author ofhttp://www.getalifenotajob.com" target="_blank"> Get a Life, Not a Job (FT Press, 2010). "You'll eventually need it to push yourself beyond your comfort zone and persevere when the tasks become challenging." 

Ultimately, passion drives that momentum. "Taking the successful leap requires both caution and passion," Zhao says.

2. Get to know your market. Before launching a new venture, scope out your competitors, get to know your customers, and meet entrepreneurs that you might emulate. "Success requires expertise with the product and market, as well as careful planning and execution," Zhao explains.

Ehlers launched her shop on Etsy before quitting her job, which helped her assess the demand. "When I saw (business) was consistent, I put my two weeks in," she says.

3. Create a safety net. If you're serious about starting your own business, save up the resources you'll need in order to succeed. "Lack of time and debt are the two greatest pitfalls that prevent people from starting a new gig," Caligiuri says.

At first, cut out TV time in favor of business planning and curb unnecessary spending. Ehlers didn't quit her job until she saved enough money to cover two months of costs, a precaution that helped reduce her pre-launch anxiety.

4. Turn to family and friends for support. The people closest to you can be a vital resource as you prepare to start a new venture. "Encouragement from trusted family members and friends will help build entrepreneurial self-efficacy," Zhao says.

They can also help you identify your strengths and weaknesses. "Many people cannot name their own natural talents," Caligiuri says. "Family and friends can help us see what we are good at and what our challenges might be as entrepreneurs." via entrepreneur.com

 

Monday, August 27, 2012

How Tribulation Refines Our Faith - Jim Woods

 

Free Coaching Strategy Session 

Push yourself to reach your dreams working with management consultant Jim Woods. You will work one-on-one with email and phone support. You’ll develop a master action plan that clearly states your goals and defines the steps you need to get there. Using the strategies pioneered by Jim Woods 25 years of management consulting with Fortune 500 firms, you will discover methods for overcoming the obstacles in your way. Team up with Jim and start achieving today. 

Click here for your free evaluation to determine if you are a fit to work with Jim. Hurry availability is limited. Personal Success Coaching or call 719-266-6703. 

 

Practicing the art of extreme self-care - Cheryl Richardson

I hate being disappointed.  There's nothing worse than getting your hopes up only to have them squelched when something doesn't turn out the way you plan.  And that's precisely why I hate to disappoint others.  Over the years I've watched myself go on autopilot when someone asks for a favor, saying "yes" when I know in my gut that I'd rather not do it.  Or I've suffered, spending too much time trying to come up with a graceful way to let someone down so they wouldn't feel hurt or angry at my "no."

At our core, most of us hate to hurt or disappoint people.  As a matter of fact, many avoid it like the plague.  Here are a few reasons why:

  • We want to avoid feeling guilty.
  • We hate being disappointed or hurt ourselves and we want to spare others the emotional pain of that experience.
  • We lack the language to say no with grace and love.
  • We're conflict phobic so we'll do what it takes to keep the peace.
  • We want people to like us.

One of the harsh realities about practicing Extreme Self Care is that you must learn to handle your anxiety when you end up having to disappoint people, hurt their feelings, or make them angry.  And you will.  When you decide to put an end to the cycle of deprivation in your life, you'll need to start saying no, setting limits, and putting boundaries in place to protect your time, energy, and emotional needs.  This poses a huge challenge for most caring individuals. Why?  Because inevitably you'll end up disappointing a friend when you decide, for example, to honor your need for a weekend off rather than agree to baby-sit her kids. 

Or, there's a good chance that you'll hurt your teenager's feelings when you tell him to walk to his friend's house so you don't have to chauffeur him around for the tenth time this month.  And, you can rest assured that you will piss off a spouse who suddenly has to do his own laundry because you've decided that you're no longer going to play house maid to everyone who lives under your roof.  Trust me, you'll be changing the rules of the game and some people won't like it.  But, remember this: If you want to live a meaningful life that makes a difference in the lives of others, you need to make a difference in your own life first. That way your motivation is pure.  Feelings of discomfort, guilt, or fear are just part of the process of focusing on your own needs first.

It can be quite surprising to see the lengths we'll go to avoid hurting or disappointing people.  My conversation with Barbara, a woman who called into my “Coach on Call” radio show, was a good example.  Barbara was aware of her tendency to be a Good Girl and by the time she shared this story with me, she knew exactly what was going on.  "I'm about to commit the ultimate good girl act," she admitted.  "For the last six months, my boss of ten years has worked hard to line up a transfer to a new position in a warm part of the country - something I've wanted for a long time.  But, as I go through the interview process it's becoming clear to me that the job isn't what I thought it would be and I'm starting to realize that I won't be happy.  Here's the crazy thing.  Believe it or not, I'm actually thinking about taking the job anyway because he's really gone to bat for me and I hate to let him down." 

As outrageous as this story seems, I wasn't surprised in the least.  If you think about it long enough, I bet you could come up with your own examples.  You agree to take a new client even though everything inside of you screams, "Warning! Warning!" because you don't want him to feel rejected.  Or, you have an argument with your spouse about not having enough time together only to find yourself agreeing to head up a fundraiser for your kid's school that very night because you want the other parents to know how committed you are.  Every day people make significant decisions based on what others want, knowing full well that on some level they're committing an act of self-betrayal. The good girl (or good boy) habit is a tough one to put down.

So, what happens when you start to disappoint people or let them down?  When it comes to practicing Extreme Self Care in the face of our relationships, there's something you need to know:  You may very well lose a few relationships in the process.  Up until this point, if you have a tendency to over give, there's a good chance that you've trained the people in your life to expect it.  Now, by making your needs more of a priority, you're changing the rules.  Don't be surprised if someone close to you - a best friend, a family member, or a spouse, tries to pull you back into the fold of compliance.  And when this happens, the worst thing you can do is give in.  When you do, you give mixed messages and you teach people not to trust your word.  Instead you need to be honest, direct, and appropriately remorseful and that's it.  Don't overexplain, defend or invite a debate about your decision.  The fewer words the better.

Cheryl Richardson is the New York Times best-selling author of Take Time for Your Life, Life Makeovers, Stand Up for Your Life, and The Unmistakable Touch of Grace. via healyourlife.com

Free Coaching Strategy Session 

Push yourself to reach your dreams working with management consultant Jim Woods. You will work one-on-one with email and phone support. You’ll develop a master action plan that clearly states your goals and defines the steps you need to get there. Using the strategies pioneered by Jim Woods 25 years of management consulting with Fortune 500 firms, you will discover methods for overcoming the obstacles in your way. Team up with Jim and start achieving today. 

Click here for your free evaluation to determine if you are a fit to work with Jim. Hurry availability is limited. Personal Success Coaching or call 719-266-6703. 

 

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Life Doesn't Have to Be So Hard - Iyanla Vanzant

A lot of people get turned on by the dramatic frenzy of running here and there, trying to find this or that in order to get something or learn something else at the last possible moment. Life does not have to be hard!

There was a time in my own life when I had a tendency to make my life experience much harder than was required or necessary. In fact, the “last minute” was my drug of choice. Then, as I matured and my memory ceased to be as cooperative as it had once been, I had to abandon the “last minute” and focus on where I had put my glasses!

Now I watch in total amazement as the young women around me, drama queens and divas, push the envelope of the important things in their lives to 15 minutes after they are due. What I know now is that making life harder than it needs to be does not make you more valuable, worthy, or stronger. In fact, it gives you wrinkles!

One of my favorite Bible verses is Proverbs 3:5-6 which says: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take” (New Living Translation).

I consider this the absolute mandate for blessing your head daily. Understanding that it is not the physical head we are addressing, but rather the spiritual head, or consciousness, this proverb clearly indicates that if we want to know what to do, we must honor the Creator of our head. If we want to know how to do it, we must seek guidance and direction. We must be obedient to our inner voice, and we must stop believing that we are out here in the world alone.

There have been many times in my life when I have been totally lost and confused but would not admit it. I thought my life had to be hard; after all, I was ugly and bad. Because I had watched the adults in my life do it with such finesse, I believed that struggle was necessary for the development of an all-around personality. I tell you, I really knew how to struggle! I struggled to make ends meet. I struggled to raise my children, attempting to teach them how not to struggle.

I struggled through one relationship after another, one bad relationship after another. I struggled to manage my life rather than live it. It felt as though I had been beaten up so badly, and for so long, in life and by life, that I believed struggle, hurt, and pain were the natural order. I knew how to take a punch in life, and I was determined not to be knocked down even when I was on my knees, crawling, with my tongue hanging out. I would survive!

I now realize that just because you can take a punch does not mean you must stand in front of a fist, particularly not when the fist is your own. It is like self-flagellation! With my extremely negative internal self-dialogue, I would beat myself up for who and what I was and was not, what I had and had not done, what I did and did not own. Externally, I tried to prove to myself and the world that I was more than I actually believed I could ever be. It was crazy-making behavior, and I was doing it to myself. I had a very limited perception of reality and myself based on the many things I had been told during childhood. I had also created enough drama on my own to make my life a hotbed of difficulty.

If you live long enough, life will humble you. Life will level your defenses, expose your bad habits, and reveal self-deception, all in an attempt to push you beyond your self-inflicted nonsense and self-imposed unworthiness. When you are paying attention, you will get the point. When you are not, you will be humbled. Life can and will bring you to the stark realization that your thinking and feeling nature—in essence, your level of consciousness— controls what you can and cannot do or be.

Rev. Iyanla Vanzant is an internationally renowned inspirational speaker, the founder and Executive Director of the Inner Visions Spiritual Life Maintenance Network.

Success and Abundance: How to Fit In - Tavis Smiley

 

It’s a testament to fortitude when a CEO humbly admits that he isn’t best suited to run a multibillion-dollar company. That’s exactly what John Sculley, former CEO of Apple Inc., did. The best man for the job, he said during an interview with BusinessWeek, was one of the company’s original founders — Steve Jobs.

In 1983, Apple’s board of directors considered Jobs — then 28 — too young to manage the responsibilities of chief executive officer. Sculley, PepsiCo president and the developer of the “Pepsi Challenge,” was selected instead to run the company. In 1985, Apple board members directed Sculley to “contain” Jobs, which led to the visionary’s bitter exodus. Jobs’s departure, Sculley said, almost sent the company into its “near-death experience.”

Of course, Jobs came back, and by 2000, he was once again Apple’s official CEO. It was the perfect fit all along, Sculley said. Way back in the early ‘80s, he told BusinessWeek, Jobs had the “outrageous idea” that computers — which were relegated to the business world at the time — would become consumer products that would “change the world.”

Incidentally, Sculley was no slouch. Under his ten-year tenure as CEO, Apple’s sales rose from $800 million to $8 billion annually. But a few bad development decisions and intense competition from Microsoft and other high-tech companies hurt Apple. Sculley’s forte was marketing. With Jobs, he said, “everything is design.” That successful methodology is evident in products released after Jobs’s return to Apple Inc.: the iPod, the iPhone, and the iPad among them.

Had Jobs not come back, Apple would have been “absolutely gone,” Sculley insisted.

There’s universal wisdom in his comments. And it’s not necessarily about the billions Jobs has generated for Apple or himself. To me, it’s about knowing your role, discovering your niche, developing your talent, and multiplying your rewards.

In short, it’s about learning how to get in where you fit in.

USE YOUR TALENTS WISELY

In today’s culture, very few understand the value of perfecting their roles. Everybody wants their 15 minutes of fame; they want to be the star. We forget that sometimes the headliner isn’t the scene-stealer in a movie. Often, it’s a secondary or unknown actor who winds up stealing the picture and claiming the spotlight. The point is, if you strive to be the best in your role — particularly when you’re just starting out — you just might become that unexpected rising star.

The key is homing in on your talent and multiplying it with hard work and deeds.

Why is this so important?

I’d like to use my favorite source, the Bible, to answer that question. The Parable of the Talents, found in both St. Matthew and St. Luke, contains variations of a story that emphasizes the importance of recognizing and using gifts to your best ability.

Here’s the condensed version (Matthew 25:14–30): Jesus gives three individuals some talents, according to their own ability. One man was given five; the other, two; and the third, one. To paraphrase, Jesus basically said: “Take these talents and get busy!”

Sometime later, the men returned. One by one, they gave accounts of their gifts. The first man said: “Lord, you gave me five talents, and look at all I have done with them.” Jesus was so pleased the man had used the gifts given him wisely that he doubled his talents.

The second man showed Jesus that he, too, had developed his talents.

“Thou good and faithful servant,” Jesus replied before giving the man more gifts.

The third guy, with one talent, delivered “the poor me” victim’s story: “Lord, look, you gave me only one gift. I was so ashamed, I hid it in the earth. I didn’t do anything with it.”

“Thou wicked and slothful servant,” the Lord thundered. He took the man’s talent and gave it to the one who had ten — someone who was going to do something with it.

So now, the guy who started with five wound up with 11 talents.

The Parable of the Talents, like so many other Scriptures written thousands of years ago, has retro relevance. This particular parable reinforces the popular belief that we all come into this world with talent — a gift, something that we can do better or different than anyone else. But, as the story illustrates, if you don’t use your gifts, you can lose your gifts.

The moral of the story is to find comfort in our differences and to be pioneering. Don’t worry about your neighbor’s gifts or blessings. Don’t envy someone else’s gift. Discover your own. Remember, the men were given talents according to their own ability. Since we all don’t have the same ability, we have to discover the roles we are destined to play. This may involve trial and error, stumbling before we can stand erect in our individual comfort zones, and even falling flat on our faces.

When speaking to young people, I encourage them to find their own way; discover their very unique roles; and go out and give the world something it needs — something that only they can uniquely deliver.

Whenever I use The Parable of the Talents in my speeches, I remind audiences that although the Bible enumerates the gifts — five, two, and one — it never tells us what those gifts are. That says to me that quantity isn’t important. Quality is.

That one wasted gift could have been the greatest gift given, but the third man in the story never used it, never put it to work. Who knows? That one gift could have been the cure for cancer or the answer to poverty and hunger.

Just because it’s one talent doesn’t mean it isn’t the greatest talent. It’s what you do to magnify your gifts that counts. Be you. Hone your unique gift, work your talent, find your sweet spot, and let God do the rest.

From his celebrated conversations with world figures . . . to his work to inspire the next generation of leaders . . . broadcaster, author, advocate, and philanthropist Tavis Smiley continues to be an outstanding voice for change. via healyourlife.com

************

 What if YOU maximized YOUR potential?

 

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What if you made more money, had more time, and enjoyed the relationships YOU valued most?

What if YOU found balance and greater success in YOUR professional life?

It’s easier than you think. Register for our free introductory session.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Dream It, Do It! - Jillian Michaels

Jillian Michaels

 

“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”

Henry David Thoreau, Walden (1854)

God that quote pisses me off.

Why? Because it’s true—but it shouldn’t be and doesn’t have to be.
There is absolutely no reason why you can’t live your dreams, no matter what they are; no reason you can’t live the life you’ve always wanted. Look, you have dreams for a reason. Call it your destiny, your karma, your life’s mission, whatever you want, but your dreams are what define your place and purpose. When you live in fear of your own desires and ambitions, you lose sight of your true calling and your true self. Life loses meaning, and inertia sets in. You become depressed, unhappy, and start to wonder: Is this really all there is?

The answer is NO!

Every human being has the capacity to transform suffering or weakness into peace, power, strength, health, and abundance. There is no authentic goal you can set for yourself that can’t be reached, or dreams that can’t be realized. It’s just a matter of learning HOW to achieve what you want.

Many self-help books tell you what to achieve, but they don’t give you particularly useful tools for how to achieve it. They offer a lot of New Age platitudes and sappy self-help mantras:

Just love yourself.

See the glass as half full.

Believe it and it will come.

I mean, really. That’s not how it works, and you know it.

A lifetime’s worth of struggle is not overturned in a moment of positive thinking. But if you have the right attitude and skills, you can and will accomplish anything and everything you want.

In my book Unlimited, I give you both: attitude and action. By its end you’ll have all the tools you need to change your life—no hype, no false promises.

I know what you’re thinking: What’s Jillian Michaels doing writing a self-help book? She’s the fitness guru, right? The fact that people think of me as a fitness guru is hilarious. I imagine a fitness guru as someone who wears spandex, feels the burn, and loves an endorphin high, then follows it all up with a shot of wheatgrass. That is so not me! What I do is not about fitness. Exercise is just one of the tools I use to help people rebuild their lives.

If you referred to an architect as a sketch artist, he would look at you like you were an insane person. Architects help people build homes; sketches are just one tool they use to do it. Well, that’s what fitness is to me—a tool I use to help you build a life. It’s never been just about the sit-up.

Now, get ready, because it’s time to stop being quiet and desperate. Screw surviving—it’s time to THRIVE. Unlimited health, wealth, and happiness are just waiting for you to claim them.

 

America’s premier health and wellness expert Jillian Michaels is a New York Times best-selling author, television personality, entrepreneur and the president of Empowered Media. via healyourlife.com