30-second therapist: Why don't women like ‘nice guys’? - Relationships

 

  Dr. Gilda Carle

 

Need a quick answer to a relationship dilemma? Relationship expert Dr. Gilda Carle cuts through the fluff with her relationship advice in TODAY.com’s “30-second therapist” series.

Q: I'm one of those "nice guys" who gets complimented on the way he treats the woman he's with, and women in general. However, I always end up getting the soul crushing, "you're a nice guy, but not for me" good-bye; the "there's someone out there for you, but it's not me" statement or the "I love you, but not that way" speech. Each feels like an acid-dipped knife slowly being twisted in my wound.

What does it take to be more than the "too-nice-to-date" guy friend who wears his heart on his sleeve, but never gets to be the boyfriend?  Do I have to become the heartless guy that women seem to swoon over? —Nice Guys Finish Last

Dear Nice Guy,
Here’s the Dr. Gilda nice guy mantra: “If one woman tells you you’re too nice, that’s merely her opinion. If many women tell you you’re too nice, it’s time to take notes!”

You identify yourself as someone who “wears his heart on his sleeve.” Kill that description!  It positions your heart for personal nose-wiping and brow-mopping—and housekeeping is not the intended purpose of your precious fourth chakra.

The options of being either a rejected victim or “heartless” are harsh extremes. You’re intentionally attracting unlikely partners to confirm your feelings as a loser in love.  Dude, swallow a dose of self-regard, and cease struggling so hard. Inspiration, not desperation, is what attracts. When you’re fully equipped with a sturdy spine, appropriate women will join your fan club. —Dr. Gilda via today.msnbc.msn.com